.comment-link {margin-left:.6em;}

9/08/2006

Toledo Dentist Loves Watching You Writhe in Pain

Sadistic dentist By Billy Pilgrim, Toledo Tales Rogue Editor

(Toledo, OH) Dr. Thomas L. Cooper—affectionately known to his patients as “Dr. Tom”—has been in the same medical office on Secor Road for nearly thirty years, yet never tires of making you thrash with pain from his perverse catalog of metal instruments.

Dr. Cooper particularly enjoys jabbing a jagged hook into your gums while rambling about his last fishing trip.

“Caught a thirteen pound trout in May, I did,” Dr. Cooper remarks, scraping bits of last night’s lasagna from your throbbing molars. “Matter of fact, you’re my last appointment before I take a weekend trip to my lake house in Michigan, so why don’t we stop squirming, shall we?”

In addition to testing your threshold for discomfort and ache, Dr. Cooper also receives a profound thrill from lying to you about how you can improve your dental hygiene.

“Two cavities this time—not good,” Cooper huffs disapprovingly. “Have to schedule another appointment for that…I think I have an opening at 8:30 a.m. the last Saturday this month. In the meantime, try to refrain from sexual intercourse for several weeks, and gargle a vinegar-brine solution thrice daily. Should clear up your plaque in no time.”

MolarsLeft: No tooth is safe from Cooper's clutches

One important weapon in Dr. Cooper's "arsenal of pain" are the faux anesthetics he administers.

"Supposed to be novocaine, but I always cut it with saline," grimaces Cooper as he uses pliers to remove your crown. "And I don't mix in much nitrous oxide, either. Never got any when I was young, and I don't see a reason you should have any, either. Besides - pain makes you stronger. Some day you'll thank me."

Comments:
I know this Dr. Tom.

I'm pretty sure that he was a prison guard in a former life; yeah, I'm sure he was.
 
Post a Comment

Links to this post:

Create a Link



<< Home
Copyright 2007, Toledo Tales ® . Unauthorized duplication prohibited, but feel free to link away. This is a satirical newspaper, and many of these stories are fictional. You have to guess which ones are faked. Toledo Tales ® uses invented names in its stories, except when public figures are being satirized, or when we post a real story. Any other use of real names is accidental and coincidental. Subcomandante Bob once got jiggy with your mom, and she does things in bed that would shock you, dude. The content of this website is the property of Toledo Tales ® and its authors, and may not be reprinted or retransmitted in whole or in part without the expressed written consent of the publisher. Toledo Tales ® is not designed for readers under 18 years of age. FAIR USE NOTICE: This site contains copyrighted material the use of which has not always been specifically authorized by the copyright owner. We are making such material available in our efforts to advance understanding of environmental, political, human rights, economic, democracy, scientific, and social justice issues, sustainable development, environmental, community and worker health, democracy, public disclosure, corporate accountability, and social justice issues, mostly because hot college women are also interested in the same issues. Go figure. Anyways, we believe this constitutes a "fair use" of any such copyrighted material as provided for in section 107 of the US Copyright Law. In accordance with Title 17 U.S.C. Section 107, the material on this site is distributed without fee or payment of any kind to those who have expressed a prior interest in receiving the included information for research and educational purposes, except when you are using it to get laid. If you wish to use copyrighted material from this site for purposes of your own that go beyond 'fair use', you must obtain permission from the copyright owner.

This page is powered by Blogger. Isn't yours?