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9/23/2006

Unemployment Line Spontaneously Bursts Into Song

By Billy Pilgrim, Toledo Tales Rogue Editor

Left: Gonzales harmonizes in C major with a Labor Works assistant

It was no secret to those in line at Labor Works on Monroe Street yesterday afternoon that the unemployment rate in Toledo has, for decades, been significantly higher than the national average, and peaked at nearly 8% after President Bush’s reelection in 2004.

However, when an undisclosed source told these struggling citizens that a recent Toledo Blade article showed Michigan’s unemployment rate rose to a staggering 7.1% in August 2006, they couldn’t help themselves: the assembled downtrodden suddenly erupted into song to celebrate the sufferings of Michiganders.

“It was amazing, like something out of Annie, except Fred here smells like ass,” recalled Victor Gonzalez, an out-of-work general contractor. “We didn’t even have to warm up or pick a key. We just launched into ‘Proud Mary’ like our asses depended on it. And not that shitty Ike and Tina version — I’m talking that original, gut-wrenching Creedence mojo, brother.”

Left: Toledo's workers may be out of a job, but they are staying on key

Many of Gonzales’ unemployed compatriots shared this musical schadenfreude at the plight of their northern neighbors.

“My ex-husband Stan lives in Jackson [Michigan], so you're goddamn right I sang along,” boomed Mary Hopkins-Brown. “I even took the high melody part when we did the outro to [Bob] Seger’s ‘Night Moves.’ That was Stan’s favorite. I hope he can’t even pay his heat bill this winter, that worthless son of a bitch. He slept with my sister.”

Comments:
Heh heh!
 
I can't belive this stuff makes FARK. Not worthy. Not worthy.
 
They obviously believe this is real news. No Really.
 
John Fogerty surrenders.
 
It's not News, it's FARK.com
 
Are you kidding? This is AWESOME! Can you inagine what the passer-bys were thinking?! Music is the common link to all, and best Lithium alternative there is. I'll bet even Osama has a favorite song.
Ohio trumps Mich once again :)
 
I think that Toledoites should show sympathy for Michiganers; after all, they are intrepid enough to sleep with Michigan women.
 
Billy Pilgrim? From Slaughter House 5?

ha!
 
You never hear people in Michigan burst into song over hearing Toledo suffer, just goes to show that majority of the time, were better, and we know it.
 
Ooo, ok. I thought this was in Spain at first glance.
 
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