.comment-link {margin-left:.6em;}


BBQ Sauce Gives Toledo Man "A Reason to Get Out of Bed"

By Billy Pilgrim, Toledo Tales Rogue Editor

DuFont on Saturday evening: another table for one

(Toledo, OH) Jeremy DuFont has by all accounts had a difficult year. His wife of four years, Pamela, left him for a co-worker, he was denied yet another promotion at the Jeep plant, and with Christmas only a few short weeks away, he barely has any savings left to buy gifts for his loved ones.

In these trying times, when lesser men would turn to the bottle, and others would attempt to rediscover their faith, Jeremy DuFont turns to the one thing that gives him solace and dignity: Stubb’s Barbeque Sauce.

“I know your readers will think I’m a freak or something, but this barbeque sauce has saved my life,” DuFont revealed in an exclusive interview with Toledo Tales. “Some mornings I just lie in bed after hitting the snooze button, too depressed to jerk off. And then I remember there are some leftover riblets, or a piece of baked chicken in the fridge, and it gives me hope—hope that Stubb’s can get me through another bullshit day.”

DuFont feels that it was nothing short of divine intervention that led him to Stubb’s “magical elixir” in the first place.

Stubbs Original BBQ Sauce“It was the day after Pam left me. I forced myself to go grocery shopping, though in retrospect, I had no desire for food—I just wanted to die,” DuFont revealed. “So I’m standing there in aisle 9, staring blankly at row after row of condiments, and I see it: the holy grail of sauces. On the label it read MY LIFE IS IN THESE BOTTLES. From that moment on I knew I’d be okay.”

So while the future remains uncertain, DuFont seems to have found the courage to continue his solemn trek through life.

“I’m a working man, so like all working men, the world is constantly thinking up new ways to fuck me,” DuFont huffed. “But I’m making a stand. Me and this sauce are gonna make it—sticky-fingered and bloated, maybe—but we’ll make it nonetheless.”

mmmmmm - Stubbs!
I'm from Austin, TX. Let me tell you that Stubb's isn't the best barbecue restaurant around, but definitely the best sauce you can buy in a store.

You should come to Austin and show them this story. I bet they would hook you up with some tasty meat!
Texas is gay
As owner of Lenke Computer "Your Computer The Way You Want It." I know how it is to want some thing your way. You go man.
Give some BlackMustard Barbecue Slather a shot (www.BBQSlather.com). It's not only a reason to get out of bed, give it to the right girl and you'll be getting back in bed.

This stuff's better than great.
I too am from Austin and must agree wholeheartedly with what my fellow 512'er said about both the restaurant and the sauce. It's the only sauce I'll buy and I've sung its praises many time.

By the way, my wife's name is Pam. Should I be worried?
This is possibly the coolest story I've read all week.
It reminds of when Bayer aspirin had those TV commercials that said that taking Bayer regularly could SAVE YOUR LIFE. Like they expected everyone to immediately rush out to the store and buy Bayer so they wouuldn't die.
There is no better way to enjoy your Stubbs sauce than on fowl, beef, and fish cooked on the world's best barbeque wood-chip cooking system - the Traeger Executive. This combination will make you into a sexual tyrannosaurus.
People who describe inanimate objects as "gay" are closeted homosexuals.
texas is definitely gay
texas is also animate.
The poor S.O.B., looking for ansewers in a bottle...
Try the Stubb's Pork Sauce on some p-chops. divine.

no questions this is the best on the shelf.
Since I am in the sauce business, someone emailed this blog to me.

I must say Stubbs is wack.
Post a Comment

Links to this post:

Create a Link

<< Home
Copyright 2007, Toledo Tales ® . Unauthorized duplication prohibited, but feel free to link away. This is a satirical newspaper, and many of these stories are fictional. You have to guess which ones are faked. Toledo Tales ® uses invented names in its stories, except when public figures are being satirized, or when we post a real story. Any other use of real names is accidental and coincidental. Subcomandante Bob once got jiggy with your mom, and she does things in bed that would shock you, dude. The content of this website is the property of Toledo Tales ® and its authors, and may not be reprinted or retransmitted in whole or in part without the expressed written consent of the publisher. Toledo Tales ® is not designed for readers under 18 years of age. FAIR USE NOTICE: This site contains copyrighted material the use of which has not always been specifically authorized by the copyright owner. We are making such material available in our efforts to advance understanding of environmental, political, human rights, economic, democracy, scientific, and social justice issues, sustainable development, environmental, community and worker health, democracy, public disclosure, corporate accountability, and social justice issues, mostly because hot college women are also interested in the same issues. Go figure. Anyways, we believe this constitutes a "fair use" of any such copyrighted material as provided for in section 107 of the US Copyright Law. In accordance with Title 17 U.S.C. Section 107, the material on this site is distributed without fee or payment of any kind to those who have expressed a prior interest in receiving the included information for research and educational purposes, except when you are using it to get laid. If you wish to use copyrighted material from this site for purposes of your own that go beyond 'fair use', you must obtain permission from the copyright owner.

This page is powered by Blogger. Isn't yours?