.comment-link {margin-left:.6em;}

4/21/2007

Study Finds Link Between Loud Music, Undersized Genitalia

Pumping up the volume to compensate for a tiny schlong?

(Toledo, OH) A study by University of Toledo researchers found a direct correlation between high-decibel car stereos and diminuitive sexual organs of the male drivers of said vehicles.

Sociologist Eric Gelding's research team conducted the study between 2004 and 2006.

"Almost without exception, car owners blasting their vehicular stereos at levels above 85 decibels also possessed penises under four inches in erect length," said Gelding. "And those exceeding 100 decibels at twenty yards averaged under three inches of man-meat."

Gelding theorized that, like owners of extra-long vehicles, or men who insist upon 8 cylinders, drivers with excessively loud stereos may be trying to compensate for other inadequacies.

"Let's face it - if you are shortchanged in the cock department, and you had to endure those taunts in the locker room after ninth grade gym class, you are going to seek a way to reinforce your masculinity," he said, adjsuting his package. "I mean, a guy can only take being called 'Puny Pecker' so long before acting out."

Labels: , ,


Comments:
And here I was under the impression that high decibel systems played within a confined space CAUSED shrinkage of the male genitalia...

Hooda thunk that the small genitalia caused the high decibel systems to be purchased/played. . .

82.55 mm and proud of it!
 
Post a Comment

Links to this post:

Create a Link



<< Home
Copyright 2007, Toledo Tales ® . Unauthorized duplication prohibited, but feel free to link away. This is a satirical newspaper, and many of these stories are fictional. You have to guess which ones are faked. Toledo Tales ® uses invented names in its stories, except when public figures are being satirized, or when we post a real story. Any other use of real names is accidental and coincidental. Subcomandante Bob once got jiggy with your mom, and she does things in bed that would shock you, dude. The content of this website is the property of Toledo Tales ® and its authors, and may not be reprinted or retransmitted in whole or in part without the expressed written consent of the publisher. Toledo Tales ® is not designed for readers under 18 years of age. FAIR USE NOTICE: This site contains copyrighted material the use of which has not always been specifically authorized by the copyright owner. We are making such material available in our efforts to advance understanding of environmental, political, human rights, economic, democracy, scientific, and social justice issues, sustainable development, environmental, community and worker health, democracy, public disclosure, corporate accountability, and social justice issues, mostly because hot college women are also interested in the same issues. Go figure. Anyways, we believe this constitutes a "fair use" of any such copyrighted material as provided for in section 107 of the US Copyright Law. In accordance with Title 17 U.S.C. Section 107, the material on this site is distributed without fee or payment of any kind to those who have expressed a prior interest in receiving the included information for research and educational purposes, except when you are using it to get laid. If you wish to use copyrighted material from this site for purposes of your own that go beyond 'fair use', you must obtain permission from the copyright owner.

This page is powered by Blogger. Isn't yours?