Toledo Tales

Left: Breckenspleth gathering vital survival information

(Perrysburg, OH) Perrysburg resident Carl Breckenspleth, longtime television afficiando, said that his efforts watching episodes of the Discovery Channel program Man Vs. Wild have been "time well spent."

"I could be marooned on a desert island, lost in the Rockies, or stranded in a Costa Rican rain forest, and I would know exactly what to do," the confirmed couch potato enthused. "This is some really useful information."

The program documents the exploits of survival expert Bear Grylls as he faces harsh conditions with limited resources while finding his way back to civilization. Breckenspleth said that he has "kind of bonded" with the resourceful Grylls.

"There was a time when he was catching fish on that Pacific island when he looked at the camera, and I swear he was talking just to me," he said, grabbing a handful of Bugles from the bag. "And when he was stuck on Mount Kilauea, it reminded me an awful lot of the time my rear tire went out on I-475. Scary stuff, and I could have died out there."

Left: Bear Grylls, adventurer and TV pal of Breckenspleth

The Perrysburg native said that he hopes to spend more time outdoors, given the fact that he has made "quantum leaps" in his knowledge of nature through episodes of Man Vs. Wild and other survival programs.

"Let's face facts - people get killed out there," he said, chasing his snack with a Bud Light. "Bear Grylls said that a two-pound coconut falling 30 feet from a palm tree gets over a ton of momentum by the time it hits the ground. The old lady is after me to clean the gutters and all that, but you can bet your ass I am going to wait until my skill set has progressed before I get into some crazy outdoor shit like old Bear does. Hoo-ee!"

Labels: Bear Grylls, Man Vs. Wild, Perrysburg

Left: Crime expert Breckenspleth

(Perrysburg, OH) Perrysburg resident Carl Breckenspleth, longtime television afficiando, said that his skills as a crime profiler have "dramatically increased" over the past few years.

"After many years of watching "CSI," "Profiler," and "Law and Order," I can pretty much figure out any crime," he said, interspersing his comments with channel-surfing. "I have honed my skills under the tutelage of such luminaries as Dr. Sam Waters [Profiler] and Detective Lennie Briscoe [Law and Order]."

Breckenspleth said that he can usually "nail the crook" within 5 minutes of the start of a crime drama.

"Sometimes I figure it out as soon as the camera pans on the character," he mused. "It's kind of scary - I'm like psychic or something."

His unique crime-profiling skills are not limited to television, added Breckenspleth.

"Take my neighbor, who just had his car stolen last week," he said. "I called up the police and told them they need to be looking for someone over 12 - little kids can't see over the steering wheel - and that it is probably someone who has no respect for the rule of law - since he stole the car. I'm pretty sure they appreciated my help, and that the criminal will be rounded up soon."

Perrysburg police refused to comment on the case, but a spokesman added that "serious tips are always welcome. I did say 'serious,' right?"

Labels: crime, criminal profiling, Perrysburg, profiling

(Perrysburg, OH) Gazing at his television, Perrysburg resident Carl Breckenspleth believes there is something "really similar" between the lead actor and another actor he remembers.

"I can't rmember the movie, but he played that one dude in the space film," said Breckenspleth, scratching his head. "Yessir - he's just like the dude who played the cowboy with that one hot babe. I'm sure of it."

Breckenspleth believes that the way the two actors walk is the dead giveaway.

"They both do a kind of 'thing' with their left leg, and you can see it in every film they were each in," he said. "Especially the one where that old woman walked up to her daughter and told her she was dying? Remember?"

Another similarity between the two actors - their hands.

"When the one guy was shaking the hand of that host on the awrds show - you know? - it's just like when this guy shook that funny character actor's hand in that spy movie," he said. "For the love of Pete, I don't know why you don't see the resemblance."

Labels: couch potato, Perrysburg, Television

Left: Breckenspleth gathering vital survival information

(Perrysburg, OH) Perrysburg resident Carl Breckenspleth, longtime television afficiando, said that his efforts watching episodes of the Discovery Channel program Man Vs. Wild have been "time well spent."

"I could be marooned on a desert island, lost in the Rockies, or stranded in a Costa Rican rain forest, and I would know exactly what to do," the confirmed couch potato enthused. "This is some really useful information."

The program documents the exploits of survival expert Bear Grylls as he faces harsh conditions with limited resources while finding his way back to civilization. Breckenspleth said that he has "kind of bonded" with the resourceful Grylls.

"There was a time when he was catching fish on that Pacific island when he looked at the camera, and I swear he was talking just to me," he said, grabbing a handful of Bugles from the bag. "And when he was stuck on Mount Kilauea, it reminded me an awful lot of the time my rear tire went out on I-475. Scary stuff, and I could have died out there."

Left: Bear Grylls, adventurer and TV pal of Breckenspleth

The Perrysburg native said that he hopes to spend more time outdoors, given the fact that he has made "quantum leaps" in his knowledge of nature through episodes of Man Vs. Wild and other survival programs.

"Let's face facts - people get killed out there," he said, chasing his snack with a Bud Light. "Bear Grylls said that a two-pound coconut falling 30 feet from a palm tree gets over a ton of momentum by the time it hits the ground. The old lady is after me to clean the gutters and all that, but you can bet your ass I am going to wait until my skill set has progressed before I get into some crazy outdoor shit like old Bear does. Hoo-ee!"

Labels: Bear Grylls, Discovery Channel, Man Vs. Wild, Perrysburg